Your Mummy’s in the Mail

People try to mail a lot of weird things. Underwear, animals…even themselves. So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that a Peruvian woman tried to mail an Inca mummy in Bolivia last week. According to news reports the woman tried to send “human remains” through the standard mail system to a city in France. The remains were discovered when the mail station personal was doing a routine check of the package. Routine? Really? I’m willing to bet that the employee who did that package check thought it anything but routine to have someone’s Great, great….(you take the greats from here) grandpa staring back at them from inside bubble wrap.
The news story says that authorities don’t know how old the mummy is but that it was “well preserved”. (Pickles anyone?) My question is what do you charge a person with in this case? Illegal disposal of a dead guy or maybe just insulting a dead guy by sending them parcel post instead of UPS?

Really folks…I couldn’t make this stuff up…..
For the rest of the story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39854980/ns/world_news-weird_news/

Apologies

Sorry I haven't posted in a while...life happened. I'm back and looking for those stories that bring out the stupid in all of us.

Is That a Monkey in Your Girdle or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

So if one monkey means you're happy to see me...what does 18 monkeys in your girdle mean? In Mexico City last week a guy was popped for smuggling at the International airport. Drugs, no...cash, no...jewels, nope.....monkeys and not JUST monkeys but 18 of them. (Sooooo many questions.....)

According to the story 38 year old Roberto Cabrera came in on a commercial flight from Peru when authorities noticed a "bulge" in his pants. (I have questions for the guy who sat next to him on the plane, don't you?) Mr. Cabrera had 18 6-inch titi monkeys in pouches attached to a girdle. (Two died in route...no doubt died of embarrassment...)

Mr. Cabrera was arrested on trafficking an endangered species. According to the story the guy was going to put them in a suitcase but decided to used the girdle so that the x-ray machine wouldn't hurt them...what a humanitarian.

Yep, of all the things to "smuggle" into a country, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be the guy in the jail cell who chose monkeys...would you?

I swear you just can't make this stuff up. For the entire story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38316250/ns/world_news-weird_news/

Peddle Faster...Peddle Faster...

Some people just have tenacity... and a fantasy about being either Starsky or Hutch. Today's story comes from Anchorage Alaska where people obviously have high hopes for the goofiest of ideas. Our main character in this piece is one Christopher Todd Mayer, a 45 year old man who had an idea...I'll be it a stupid idea...but an idea all the same.

Short on cash, (and brains) Chris decided to rob a local bank. Now you might be saying to yourself, "self...lots of people rob banks...that makes them bad guys, not necessarily stupid", and you'd be right except on the occasion of poor Chris here who decided to rob the bank on a bicycle.

Yup, Chris got on his BMX and peddled his little heart out to the local bank in down town Anchorage and robbed them. Chris went into the bank with a bandana on his face and told the teller, "this is a robbery, give me your money fast". Fast? Really? He wanted the money fast so he could jump on his getaway bike and take off at the speed of...well...a five year old?

So Chris takes his backpack full of cash and runs outside and jumps on his bike. The police after a short half block chase pull along side of Chris and tell him "pull over", Chris refuses...he refuses...I'm betting at this point the cops were busting up. The cops gave chase and followed Chris onto the local bike path. Another police car pulled across the bike path in front of the bank robber and instead of stopping the bike, Chris rode straight into the patrol car and in true Starsky and Hutch style, slid across the hood and.....hit the ground on the other side. He apparently did not land on his feet. But was this going to stop Chris...nope, he got up and ran another half a block before being tackled by an officer.

So the moral of this story is...never rob a bank on a bicycle and pay better attention to those 70's cop drama moves.

For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37392232/ns/us_news/

What? Dinner's NOT ready?!

Ok, today's piece comes from West Virginia so you know it'll be interesting....(face it West Virginians, you 'all breed em a little on the high tempered side)

Guy Jones, a resident of Sissonville, WV went out drinking with his buddies last Friday night. Now this wasn't a new thing for Guy, hell, he did it all the time but on this particular night something in the man snapped. Guy came home to his wife, Beverley, rip roaring drunk. According to police Guy walked into the house and saw that dinner was not on the table and went nuts. He busted the furniture, he broke the dishes, he destroyed the glass knick knacks...Guy had lost his mind. Beverly says she pleaded with him to stop but he just kept smashing things and screaming "where is my dinner".

Finally, out of breath, Guy stopped and looked at Beverly and asked one more time, "where is my dinner woman?!" (Yes he actually used that phrase) Beverly, irritated by all the damage Guy had done, told him he'd have to cook it himself. Guy then did the one thing that truly shoves this story over the stupid cliff....he told his wife to get out and he burned his own house down. I'll bet dinner is going to be a bit later now...... Guy's wife says they will now be headed to divorce court, "as fast as their legs can carry them there". Guy...you should have ordered take-out.

Drinking with buddies till you fall down....$150

Divorce from wife...............................$200

The look on Guy's face when he gets his first meal in prison...priceless!

A Whole New Meaning to the Word, "Laptop"

We live in a world that has stopped paying attention. Entertainment, laptops, video games, internet, television, cell phones...it's all about how much entertainment we can pack into a day. No one looks each other in the eyes anymore and where you used to have to watch were you were going on the sidewalk because it was rude to bump someone, you now have to watch because you run the risk of getting run over by a texter. (You know the guy hunched slightly forward eyes glued to a 3 x 2 inch screen, thumbs flying and actually not spelling but inventing a new language as they go...)This year we had to develop an actual law in order to make sure that people do not text while driving...are you kidding me?

There are a number of things that one should not do while driving....put on makeup, look for loose change between the seats, change your clothes and reading are just a few of those things. (Although people still try.)So for your consideration today's story shows just how ridiculous (and dangerous) entertainment while driving has gotten.

In Batatvia New York an Ohio truck driver was sentenced to second degree manslaughter after killing a woman on the side of the road. Thomas Wallace, a truck driver (yes a guy who drives one of those massive trucks that we all hate to drive next to on the highway) reportedly crashed into the woman who had pulled over because she had hit a deer. Wallace hit the woman's car from behind killing her instantly.

So what was Wallace doing that made him take his eyes off the road? Texting? No. Changing clothes? No. Talking on his cell phone? No. Wallace was watching porn on his laptop...WHILE DRIVING on the interstate in a VERY large truck AT NIGHT! According to the reports Wallace had the laptop sitting...you guessed it...in his lap. Needless to say Wallace was sentenced to prison for his stupidity. Let's hope that some REALLY big guy named Big Bubba finds Wallace an entertaining as Wallace found his laptop.

Damn it...but I look Good In That!

Well they have gone and done it...Nevada has started banning people at the voting polls! What's this world coming to if I can't make a decision on which politician I like, drive to the polls and vote...in MY CHICKEN COSTUME! Damn it!

Yes that's right tax payers, your hard earned money in Nevada is now paying so that chicken costumes can be banned from the voting polls. Apparently one of the Republican candidates got her feelings hurt when folks started making fun of her dressed like chickens. The Republican is a millionaire casino exec and a former beauty queen (and a chicken costume was the best ribbing they could do?) who suggested that people "barter" for medical care. (Is that the theme to Dr. Quinn - Medicine Woman I hear in the background?) She even went so far as to suggest that a person could trade a chicken for medical care. (Honestly, I couldn't have made this up) So the democrats, being the adults that they are, set up a website called "Chickens for Checkups". (Remember who pays them for doing all of this folks...social security will end when?)

So now, since the poor whittle candidate got her feelings hurt...I have to put my chicken suit away. Damn it!

But seriously...isn't anyone in Nevada looking at this and saying to themselves WTI? (Whose the Idiot) Your tax dollars just outlawed chicken suits! Chicken suits! What about handguns? What about crime? What about those annoying people who hand out the flyers in front of the casinos? Can't we find ANYTHING else to ban? What's the world coming to?

For the whole story (proving that I really can't make this stuff up) visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37296098/ns/politics/