Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Your Mummy’s in the Mail


People try to mail a lot of weird things. Underwear, animals…even themselves. So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that a Peruvian woman tried to mail an Inca mummy in Bolivia last week. According to news reports the woman tried to send “human remains” through the standard mail system to a city in France. The remains were discovered when the mail station personal was doing a routine check of the package. Routine? Really? I’m willing to bet that the employee who did that package check thought it anything but routine to have someone’s Great, great….(you take the greats from here) grandpa staring back at them from inside bubble wrap.
The news story says that authorities don’t know how old the mummy is but that it was “well preserved”. (Pickles anyone?) My question is what do you charge a person with in this case? Illegal disposal of a dead guy or maybe just insulting a dead guy by sending them parcel post instead of UPS?

Really folks…I couldn’t make this stuff up…..
For the rest of the story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39854980/ns/world_news-weird_news/

Apologies


Sorry I haven't posted in a while...life happened. I'm back and looking for those stories that bring out the stupid in all of us.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Is That a Monkey in Your Girdle or Are You Just Happy to See Me?


So if one monkey means you're happy to see me...what does 18 monkeys in your girdle mean? In Mexico City last week a guy was popped for smuggling at the International airport. Drugs, no...cash, no...jewels, nope.....monkeys and not JUST monkeys but 18 of them. (Sooooo many questions.....)

According to the story 38 year old Roberto Cabrera came in on a commercial flight from Peru when authorities noticed a "bulge" in his pants. (I have questions for the guy who sat next to him on the plane, don't you?) Mr. Cabrera had 18 6-inch titi monkeys in pouches attached to a girdle. (Two died in route...no doubt died of embarrassment...)

Mr. Cabrera was arrested on trafficking an endangered species. According to the story the guy was going to put them in a suitcase but decided to used the girdle so that the x-ray machine wouldn't hurt them...what a humanitarian.

Yep, of all the things to "smuggle" into a country, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be the guy in the jail cell who chose monkeys...would you?

I swear you just can't make this stuff up. For the entire story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38316250/ns/world_news-weird_news/

Friday, May 28, 2010

Peddle Faster...Peddle Faster...


Some people just have tenacity... and a fantasy about being either Starsky or Hutch. Today's story comes from Anchorage Alaska where people obviously have high hopes for the goofiest of ideas. Our main character in this piece is one Christopher Todd Mayer, a 45 year old man who had an idea...I'll be it a stupid idea...but an idea all the same.

Short on cash, (and brains) Chris decided to rob a local bank. Now you might be saying to yourself, "self...lots of people rob banks...that makes them bad guys, not necessarily stupid", and you'd be right except on the occasion of poor Chris here who decided to rob the bank on a bicycle.

Yup, Chris got on his BMX and peddled his little heart out to the local bank in down town Anchorage and robbed them. Chris went into the bank with a bandana on his face and told the teller, "this is a robbery, give me your money fast". Fast? Really? He wanted the money fast so he could jump on his getaway bike and take off at the speed of...well...a five year old?

So Chris takes his backpack full of cash and runs outside and jumps on his bike. The police after a short half block chase pull along side of Chris and tell him "pull over", Chris refuses...he refuses...I'm betting at this point the cops were busting up. The cops gave chase and followed Chris onto the local bike path. Another police car pulled across the bike path in front of the bank robber and instead of stopping the bike, Chris rode straight into the patrol car and in true Starsky and Hutch style, slid across the hood and.....hit the ground on the other side. He apparently did not land on his feet. But was this going to stop Chris...nope, he got up and ran another half a block before being tackled by an officer.

So the moral of this story is...never rob a bank on a bicycle and pay better attention to those 70's cop drama moves.

For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37392232/ns/us_news/

Thursday, May 27, 2010

What? Dinner's NOT ready?!


Ok, today's piece comes from West Virginia so you know it'll be interesting....(face it West Virginians, you 'all breed em a little on the high tempered side)

Guy Jones, a resident of Sissonville, WV went out drinking with his buddies last Friday night. Now this wasn't a new thing for Guy, hell, he did it all the time but on this particular night something in the man snapped. Guy came home to his wife, Beverley, rip roaring drunk. According to police Guy walked into the house and saw that dinner was not on the table and went nuts. He busted the furniture, he broke the dishes, he destroyed the glass knick knacks...Guy had lost his mind. Beverly says she pleaded with him to stop but he just kept smashing things and screaming "where is my dinner".

Finally, out of breath, Guy stopped and looked at Beverly and asked one more time, "where is my dinner woman?!" (Yes he actually used that phrase) Beverly, irritated by all the damage Guy had done, told him he'd have to cook it himself. Guy then did the one thing that truly shoves this story over the stupid cliff....he told his wife to get out and he burned his own house down. I'll bet dinner is going to be a bit later now...... Guy's wife says they will now be headed to divorce court, "as fast as their legs can carry them there". Guy...you should have ordered take-out.

Drinking with buddies till you fall down....$150

Divorce from wife...............................$200

The look on Guy's face when he gets his first meal in prison...priceless!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A Whole New Meaning to the Word, "Laptop"


We live in a world that has stopped paying attention. Entertainment, laptops, video games, internet, television, cell phones...it's all about how much entertainment we can pack into a day. No one looks each other in the eyes anymore and where you used to have to watch were you were going on the sidewalk because it was rude to bump someone, you now have to watch because you run the risk of getting run over by a texter. (You know the guy hunched slightly forward eyes glued to a 3 x 2 inch screen, thumbs flying and actually not spelling but inventing a new language as they go...)This year we had to develop an actual law in order to make sure that people do not text while driving...are you kidding me?

There are a number of things that one should not do while driving....put on makeup, look for loose change between the seats, change your clothes and reading are just a few of those things. (Although people still try.)So for your consideration today's story shows just how ridiculous (and dangerous) entertainment while driving has gotten.

In Batatvia New York an Ohio truck driver was sentenced to second degree manslaughter after killing a woman on the side of the road. Thomas Wallace, a truck driver (yes a guy who drives one of those massive trucks that we all hate to drive next to on the highway) reportedly crashed into the woman who had pulled over because she had hit a deer. Wallace hit the woman's car from behind killing her instantly.

So what was Wallace doing that made him take his eyes off the road? Texting? No. Changing clothes? No. Talking on his cell phone? No. Wallace was watching porn on his laptop...WHILE DRIVING on the interstate in a VERY large truck AT NIGHT! According to the reports Wallace had the laptop sitting...you guessed it...in his lap. Needless to say Wallace was sentenced to prison for his stupidity. Let's hope that some REALLY big guy named Big Bubba finds Wallace an entertaining as Wallace found his laptop.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Damn it...but I look Good In That!


Well they have gone and done it...Nevada has started banning people at the voting polls! What's this world coming to if I can't make a decision on which politician I like, drive to the polls and vote...in MY CHICKEN COSTUME! Damn it!

Yes that's right tax payers, your hard earned money in Nevada is now paying so that chicken costumes can be banned from the voting polls. Apparently one of the Republican candidates got her feelings hurt when folks started making fun of her dressed like chickens. The Republican is a millionaire casino exec and a former beauty queen (and a chicken costume was the best ribbing they could do?) who suggested that people "barter" for medical care. (Is that the theme to Dr. Quinn - Medicine Woman I hear in the background?) She even went so far as to suggest that a person could trade a chicken for medical care. (Honestly, I couldn't have made this up) So the democrats, being the adults that they are, set up a website called "Chickens for Checkups". (Remember who pays them for doing all of this folks...social security will end when?)

So now, since the poor whittle candidate got her feelings hurt...I have to put my chicken suit away. Damn it!

But seriously...isn't anyone in Nevada looking at this and saying to themselves WTI? (Whose the Idiot) Your tax dollars just outlawed chicken suits! Chicken suits! What about handguns? What about crime? What about those annoying people who hand out the flyers in front of the casinos? Can't we find ANYTHING else to ban? What's the world coming to?

For the whole story (proving that I really can't make this stuff up) visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37296098/ns/politics/

Monday, May 24, 2010

Can I have a cosmo with my handcuffs?


Hello everyone and welcome back to The Art of Ridiculous. It's been a while since I have submitted any cases for your consideration but I'm back and can't wait to see what the human race has for us next. Today's story is kind of fun in that stupid way that only human beings can accomplish. Sometimes having opposable thumbs doesn't scream top of the food chain does it?

Today's story comes to us from Irvine California where a 25 year old man gave a whole new meaning to the words "drive thru". According to the story, Matthew Van McDaniel of Los Alamitos went out with friends had a roaring good time and then with a blood alcohol level of .14 drove himself to jail...or rather into jail...

Mr. McDaniel literally drove his Mercedes through the gates of the James Musick Correctional Facility and then, just to make sure that they would let him stay, he punched the sheriff's deputy in the nose. Needless to say, the correctional system invited Mr. McDaniel to move in...for nine years. My question is did the judge sentence him for driving into the jail, punching the officer or making him laugh so hard that he tinkled in his robes....

For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37296381/ns/us_news/

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Whatever Happened to Old Fashioned Hair Pulling?


I don't know about you but when I was a kid I fought with my siblings all the time. My brother and I are 13 months apart...my mother might as well had twins. For Keith and I fighting was not a way of being mean to each other but a basic sibling right. There is an unwritten rule when you are kids, if he bugs you put worms in his mash potatoes...we were kids..it's what kids do. I have to say however, as much as Keith and I picked on each other it just never occurred to me to...well...bite of a piece of his nose.
Last week in Jonesville Michigan a woman allegedly did just that. Her sister and her were arguing and when the argument didn't go her way the 27 year old woman bit a piece of her 28 year old sister's nose off. Hey all you parents out there what do you get grounded from if you bite a siblings body part off? There goes the X-box for ..well...ever!
The 28 year old will have plastic surgery to repair her nose and the 27 year old was charged. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when that cop answered the call. Keeping a straight face after the initial, 'you did what?!' would have been difficult at best. But as tragically funny as this all is there is one more little factoid that popped out at me in the story that just ensures that I will probably not be spending a lot of time in Jonesville. It seems the nose biting sister was charged with, "mayhem and domestic violence", and in Jonesville "mayhem" is defined as, (I couldn't make this crap up) "in part under a 1931 Michigan law as mutilating another person's nose" and it carries a 10-year felony. So the question is...does Michigan have a big issue with nose-biting residents? Apparently this was an issue that needed a law on the books in 1931...so...calling all plastic surgeons...you are needed in Michigan.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

But wait I thought you lived THERE....


Have you even noticed that most really good stupid stories begin with, "So there I was...." Imagine if you will being really mad at your ex-grilfriend and planning to get back at her only to screw it up.It would appear that a guy in Georgia did just that, probebly right after a beer run to the local Piggly Wiggly. As the story tells it he was upset with his ex-girlfriend (guess we don't have to wonder why she isn't with him anymore)and decided in that tiny little brain of his that he would pull do something spectacular to get back at her. So he builds a device, drives to her street and throws a fire bomb....you guessed it...into the home of the guy who lived NEXT DOOR to his ex-girlfriend. Apparently his GPS was not working correctly...or prehaps the fact that those little GPS things are voiced by a woman...the joke was on him. I can see it now..."No Buddy Joe, she lives next door to the house where you went to visit her every week for TWO years while you were dating....no...really.... I'll bet the last thing he heard before the sirens was..."Thank you for using Garmin" in the sweetest female voice possible......


For the rest of the story http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34577355/ns/us_news-weird_news/

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Honey, Eat Your Dinner or I'll Call the Cops


Hey I finally discovered a way to get my family to eat my cooking...police enforcement. That's right, a woman in Texas (ok, no one is surprised that it was in Texas) called the police to report that her husband was trying a new form of domestic violence...NOT eating her cooking. As my middle son would say...REALLY? In today's world of actual domestic violence, gang shootings and crime run amuck, do we really need to gum up the system with a call about our spouses eating habits? I have to admit that there have been times when I have been frustrated with my kids and wanted to shove them into a small box and mail them to my mother because they have been reluctant to eat something that I had slaved over for hours. (Did I mention that I am NOT a great cook?) But to call the cops...well...that may be going a bit too far. The woman in question will be charged with 911 abuse..whatever that entails...but maybe instead the officers who showed up to the call should have made her eat her own cooking...that might have stopped her. I know one thing, I have this picture in my mind of her being handcuffed and carted away as her husband stood watching through the screen door pumping his fist in the air shouting.."yes!"
For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34577354/ns/us_news-weird_news/

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I Think I’ll Have Fish for Dinner


It’s been a while since I have added to this blog and I apologize for that. It isn’t that people have stopped being stupid, I just got a little lazy. I’m back now and I could not have asked for a better story than the following:

Apparently in Pasadena, Texas a woman decided on her dinner fare out of anger. As the story goes, the woman was arguing with her former spouse about some jewelry that he had given her but then decided to take back. Now all you guys out there take note, NEVER MESS WITH A WOMAN’S JEWLERY. This guy got lucky that she didn’t cut off a part of him and fry it up.


No instead she broke into his new apartment, grabbed a zip lock and took his seven goldfish home for dinner. Not to join her for dinner mind you but to BE dinner. A little garlic, some shallots and little fish tank Nemo and friends fell victim to a woman hungry for jewelry. The story says that by the times the cops got there four of the gold (en brown) fish were still in the frying pan. The woman had apparently already downed three of them. (perhaps with a nice Chianti?)

So guys the next time you think about taking that ring back from your ex remember the gold fish and hide the dog.

Visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33088053/ns/us_news-weird_news/ for the whole story, truly, I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Please read reworked blog

I did my May 18th blog late at night so there a more than a few mistakes. It has been edited now so please read the reworked blog.

Clean up Your Room or I’m Callin the Cops!

(This is the second copy of this blog, my apolgies for the mistakes in the first one, that's what happens when I do them late)


Today’s story is one of those that makes you shake your head and go….wow is the human race in trouble. I am being told that as a person in my middle ages, (I’m sure that you are familiar with that age...it’s the age between ah crap and oh damn?) I should take heed that my future is now in the hands of our young folks. You remember those people don’t you, the kids that you yell at to change their underwear before they can stand up on their own, stop surfing porn on your laptop because you aren’t interested in seeing some large chested woman named Kitty who likes long walks on short piers and stop trying to shoving peas up the cat’s (or your sister’s) nose all while you scream from the living room, “ARE YOU ON DRUGS? Yeah, those kids.
Most days I think, well I’ve done my thing maybe it is time to turn it over to the younger generation but then I read something like today’s story of stupid.

According to the news story a man in Bedford Ohio called 911 because of his son. Now I don’t know about you but if I have to call 911 on my kid it would be because of something like, he had lost his damn little mind and pulled a knife on me. That’s not what Mr. Andrew Mizsak called the cops on his son for; nope it was something far more sinister. Mr. Mizask called 911 on his son because…wait for it….wait for it…. “his 28-year-old son — who's a school board member in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford — threw a plate of food across the kitchen table and made a fist at him when he was told to clean his room.” Yup you heard that right, the son, also named Andrew, lives in a room in his parents' basement and when dear old dad told his namesake to clean up his room, the ADULT son flung his food and shook his fist just like any other three year old child and then to add ridiculous to stupid, the old man called the cops to complain. This begs the question, what did the cops do when they showed up and finally stopped laughing? As it turned out, as if this story could get any more ridiculous, the father declined to press charges and told police he doesn't want to ruin his son's political career so he would just let it go.



All I have to say is… my kids get off easy.



For the whole story, because I couldn’t make this up visit, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30809741/

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Hey Mr. Park Ranger – We’ve got a leak over here!


Ok, every now and then one of those stories comes along that make you stop what you’re doing and turn to the person sitting next to you and simply say…oh geez, really?
Obviously the folks running Yellowstone National Park need to set an age limit for those who come to work for them…or many they just need to set a two beer minimum. As the story goes two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers, guys who have access to all the soda a guy can steal from a national park, decided, for whatever reason to skip hitting the port-a-potty and just stop off at the first large hole they could find. The problem wasn’t the fact that they were bleeding the old lizard a’ natural, the problem was that the rather large hole they decided to urinate in happened to be one of the nation’s most treasured blow-holes, you guessed it, Old Faithful. Take a walk with me for just a second and see what I see in my mind’s eye…there they are Bill and Bob, having just drunk entirely too much bootleg coke looking for a place to pee. Bill looks at Bob, they look at Old Faithful, giggle a little and hop the fence skipping off to do what will go down in history as the dumbest thing any two guys could do next to urinating on the big foot at Lincoln’s Monument…pee into Old Faithful. (Let’s hope they timed it right because that could be a real reverse pisser as my grandpa Leonard would have said) And how do these two geniuses get caught? Well on live webcam of course! Some dude with obviously very little to do with his own time caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser on Yellowstone’s live webcam. (Gotta love the term “real time”)
The story goes on to say that one of the men, a 23-year-old, was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. I am sure that NONE of us wants to know what he took from the area. But this story does beg the asking of one simple question….do you think that’s why they call it Yellowstone?
For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30765586/?GT1=43001

Friday, May 15, 2009

Some People will do anything for a smoke


Some people will do anything for a cigarette. I don’t personally smoke so I am not intuned with the crazy brain cell that a woman in Florida accessed last week. According to the news reports authorities said a woman who wasn't wearing any clothes knocked on stranger's door in the middle of the night to ask for cigarettes. Forgive me but can you see the reaction this guy had? (Lord thank you, thank you, thank you) That is until he realized that the woman at the door could have been his grandmother.
Yup according to the Pinellas County sheriff's office the woman was 52 years old and wearing only boxer shorts. (Ew factor – check.) I don’t know about you but I am embracing my later years albeit not quite this much. What would you say to a 52 year old woman at the door at 2 a.m. in nothing but boxer shorts? Perhaps, Grandma is that you?
I guess this really doesn’t need to be pointed out but the story does say that the woman was found wandering around after the police got the call and showed up, (Probably after catching their breath from laughing so hard) in (you guessed it) a trailer park. Those rednecks…they just have all the fun don’t they.
For the whole story, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30691193/

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Hey buddy is this your head?


We spend our days wondering where AIDS came from, what (or who for those of you conspiracy theorist out there) developed the Swine Flu and how on earth did the Ebola virus come into being? These are all things that suddenly cropped up and gave a lot of people the fight of their lives. How does something SUDDENLY come into being?

Conspiracy theorist would have you believe that there is some mad laughter coming from a secret lab somewhere where there is a guy (or girl, equal rights for the mad scientist you see) developing horrible vials of stuff to unleash on the unsuspecting public. While the regular people are going about their days eating their Wheaties, mowing the lawn and playing baseball on their Wii’s (no one actually goes OUTSIDE anymore) there are actually people out there who are out to get us. They want to see us suffer and why? Is it because they can? Is it because they believe that all of humanity is blight on the planet? Is it because they have watched too many other mad scientists on TV and just can’t help but try and get their names on the “List of Baddest Guys of all Time”? Nope, it’s because there is an enormous backlog of stupid in the science and government communities. That’s right, no baddies, no world to be destroyed scenarios, just plain good old fashion human stupid.

Need Proof? Well alrighty then….
“Researchers in Texas are trying an unusual approach to combat fire ants -- deploying parasitic flies that turn the pesky and economically costly insects into zombies whose heads fall off. “ Here, let me repeat that….
“Researchers in Texas are trying an unusual approach to combat fire ants -- deploying parasitic flies that turn the pesky and economically costly insects into zombies whose heads fall off. “
Yes you read that correctly and yes there are actually researchers in Texas who are spending their days trying to create the ant version of Shawn of the Dead. (That’s a great movie if you haven’t seen it by the way) These guys, who probably graduated top in their beaker classes, are attempting to fight fire with…well…zombies. According to the news story (yes this made the news, someone actually ADMITTED that this was taking place and then called it news) the flies lay eggs on the fire ants, and the eggs hatch into maggots inside the ant and eat away at the pest's tiny brain. The ant will hang around for about two weeks while the maggot feeds and then when there is no brain left in the ant, he/she just starts wandering aimlessly. (Ok, I have to admit I found that hilarious…) About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off -- and a new fly emerges ready to attack another fire ant. (Ok the phrase you’re looking for is OH…MY…LORD)

After reading this I had to sit in stunned silence. (ok I had to catch my breath from laughing so hard) Really?! Seriously?! This is a bad B rate horror movie waiting for a director isn’t it? So…with much renewed respect to my paranoid, conspiracy brethren, I have to say, hey guys you might be right, maybe the government really IS trying to make us all zombies…hell…look at what they’re doing to the ants!

Your tax dollars at work folks!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

But Dude I've got the munchies BAD!


Now I have had friends with the munches before but usually it only involves a 1 mph walk to the kitchen for the nearest Twinkie, not a 90 mph run for the Taco Bell drive-thru.

Officials say a suspected drug dealer led police on a 90 mph chase in Indiana trying to elude them but was arrested as he made a mad dash for Taco Bell. Maybe he watches TV stoned and got going over the border to Mexico to avoid jail mixed up with those run for the border commercials for Taco Bell tacos. According to police reports he man was arrested after he stopped suddenly at a Taco Bell parking lot and told officers he "knew he was going to jail for a while" and wanted to get one last burrito. Now that is loyality to your favorite fast food place! I can see the new Taco Bell commericals now...

--Taco Bell - Make us your last stop before prision"

--Taco Bell - We are the Other Border!"

--Taco Bell - For those times when the munchies are too tough to resist."

--Taco Bell - Criminials give up in our parking lot and get three free tacos!"


Truely I just can't make this stuff up....

For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30715130/

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Hey man I don't want fries with THAT!


A story ran last week that puts a new spin on the phrase, huh? In Swizerland, (go figure) the Swiss police said they are investigating a 7-year-old girl's discovery of a condom in her McDonald's Happy Meal. Hey is that how Big Macs and Quarter Pounders are born Ma?
The Fribourg state police said the mother called them after the girl discovered the condom among her French fries. Now I don't know about you but I'm just not sure that I can eat an order of McDonald's french fries ever again.

The first question you have to ask is how did that thing get in there in the first place. Do you think some young grill cook with all those pimples from the fry grease in the air got lucky with the drive through girl? Well, at least they were using protection I guess. And how did it get into a happy meal? Maybe the grill cook was REALLY happy and that was the only place that made sense.

Now if the picture in your mind of the little seven year old girl with a Barbie in her lap, a french fry in one hand and a condom in the other isn't enough to make you die laughing the comment from a newscaster on Fox News should. After the regular desk reporter recanted the story of little pig tails and the condom adventure his fellow news caster looked at him inquizzedly and asked the one question that every guy who has ever found himself sitting in front of a television set with a beer in his hand while watching race cars make constant left hand turns would, he asked....wait for it....wait for it...."was it used?"






Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Yes I am too a writer...because the lights are still on...

I am taking a class in English Comp at Everett Community College and today, after doing an assignment that had to be posted on the class site, I had another student tell me that I wasn't really a writer if I hadn't make the NY best sellers list. she also went on to say that writers are lonely people and I didn't seem like one of those.
The writers of the world are connected into one group of likeminded people and this group is a community. We think alike and we have many of the same concerns. When writer’s block strikes almost all of those within this group understand exactly what the others are feeling. It is a wonderful resource in what can be a very lonely way to make a living.
I think that what holds the writing community together is the common thread that makes us all writers…the need to put down on paper or keyboard what it is we see or feel. Over the years I have come to realize that not everyone feels the need to do this and I was quite shocked to discover in my teen years that there are actually people out there who DON’T like to write at all…I was appalled. Our glue, if you will, is a drive to tell the story.
The life of a writer can be lonely and most people who do not share in the desire to tell the story don’t necessarily understand what makes us tick. Writers understand each other, we can understand the lonely nights at the keyboard, the irritation at the editor’s red pen and the need to drop what we are doing and find a pad and pencil. We don’t think that we are crazy, we understand the compulsion. Writers also like to read…a lot. And most importantly we understand why the story MUST be finished.
The biggest tension in the community of writers is ego. It is a double edged sword really. You have to have quite an ego in order to have the nerve to put your work out there but at the same time that same ego can take over your common sense and make you a bit paranoid. You can find yourself sitting in the dark one Saturday night wondering if an editor or even better, another writer, is looking to steal your story or even just your idea. Paranoia runs deep in our veins at times because, of course, our egos have told us that we are the best and as gullible as we are…we actually believe it.
I have been a writer since I was nine years old. I sold my first piece in a kid’s magazine. I remember asking the nice lady who paid me the $25 for the story I’d written if I was a writer now, she told me that if I cashed the check she’d just given me and paid for some candy with it and the owner of the store didn’t call the police on me to say I had stolen it…well…then I was a writer. I often tell people even today who ask me how I know I am a writer the same type of thing. I tell them that someone paid me for something I’d written and the lights were still on so I must be doing something right.
I have tasted the nasty flavor or deadlines, been paranoid about a piece of writing once it has been sent in and been the victim of an ego attack right before a book signing. Being a writer is a lonely road to travel most times with many a night sitting in the light of the computer screen tapping away hoping to God that what you’ve just spent four hours writing will actually make sense when I re-read it in the morning. I’m not alone though and I take great comfort in knowing that there are other people out there just like me….suffering too.