Can I have a cosmo with my handcuffs?

Hello everyone and welcome back to The Art of Ridiculous. It's been a while since I have submitted any cases for your consideration but I'm back and can't wait to see what the human race has for us next. Today's story is kind of fun in that stupid way that only human beings can accomplish. Sometimes having opposable thumbs doesn't scream top of the food chain does it?

Today's story comes to us from Irvine California where a 25 year old man gave a whole new meaning to the words "drive thru". According to the story, Matthew Van McDaniel of Los Alamitos went out with friends had a roaring good time and then with a blood alcohol level of .14 drove himself to jail...or rather into jail...

Mr. McDaniel literally drove his Mercedes through the gates of the James Musick Correctional Facility and then, just to make sure that they would let him stay, he punched the sheriff's deputy in the nose. Needless to say, the correctional system invited Mr. McDaniel to move in...for nine years. My question is did the judge sentence him for driving into the jail, punching the officer or making him laugh so hard that he tinkled in his robes....

For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37296381/ns/us_news/

Whatever Happened to Old Fashioned Hair Pulling?

I don't know about you but when I was a kid I fought with my siblings all the time. My brother and I are 13 months apart...my mother might as well had twins. For Keith and I fighting was not a way of being mean to each other but a basic sibling right. There is an unwritten rule when you are kids, if he bugs you put worms in his mash potatoes...we were kids..it's what kids do. I have to say however, as much as Keith and I picked on each other it just never occurred to me to...well...bite of a piece of his nose.
Last week in Jonesville Michigan a woman allegedly did just that. Her sister and her were arguing and when the argument didn't go her way the 27 year old woman bit a piece of her 28 year old sister's nose off. Hey all you parents out there what do you get grounded from if you bite a siblings body part off? There goes the X-box for ..well...ever!
The 28 year old will have plastic surgery to repair her nose and the 27 year old was charged. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when that cop answered the call. Keeping a straight face after the initial, 'you did what?!' would have been difficult at best. But as tragically funny as this all is there is one more little factoid that popped out at me in the story that just ensures that I will probably not be spending a lot of time in Jonesville. It seems the nose biting sister was charged with, "mayhem and domestic violence", and in Jonesville "mayhem" is defined as, (I couldn't make this crap up) "in part under a 1931 Michigan law as mutilating another person's nose" and it carries a 10-year felony. So the question is...does Michigan have a big issue with nose-biting residents? Apparently this was an issue that needed a law on the books in 1931...so...calling all plastic surgeons...you are needed in Michigan.