Whatever Happened to Old Fashioned Hair Pulling?

I don't know about you but when I was a kid I fought with my siblings all the time. My brother and I are 13 months apart...my mother might as well had twins. For Keith and I fighting was not a way of being mean to each other but a basic sibling right. There is an unwritten rule when you are kids, if he bugs you put worms in his mash potatoes...we were kids..it's what kids do. I have to say however, as much as Keith and I picked on each other it just never occurred to me to...well...bite of a piece of his nose.
Last week in Jonesville Michigan a woman allegedly did just that. Her sister and her were arguing and when the argument didn't go her way the 27 year old woman bit a piece of her 28 year old sister's nose off. Hey all you parents out there what do you get grounded from if you bite a siblings body part off? There goes the X-box for ..well...ever!
The 28 year old will have plastic surgery to repair her nose and the 27 year old was charged. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when that cop answered the call. Keeping a straight face after the initial, 'you did what?!' would have been difficult at best. But as tragically funny as this all is there is one more little factoid that popped out at me in the story that just ensures that I will probably not be spending a lot of time in Jonesville. It seems the nose biting sister was charged with, "mayhem and domestic violence", and in Jonesville "mayhem" is defined as, (I couldn't make this crap up) "in part under a 1931 Michigan law as mutilating another person's nose" and it carries a 10-year felony. So the question is...does Michigan have a big issue with nose-biting residents? Apparently this was an issue that needed a law on the books in 1931...so...calling all plastic surgeons...you are needed in Michigan.

But wait I thought you lived THERE....

Have you even noticed that most really good stupid stories begin with, "So there I was...." Imagine if you will being really mad at your ex-grilfriend and planning to get back at her only to screw it up.It would appear that a guy in Georgia did just that, probebly right after a beer run to the local Piggly Wiggly. As the story tells it he was upset with his ex-girlfriend (guess we don't have to wonder why she isn't with him anymore)and decided in that tiny little brain of his that he would pull do something spectacular to get back at her. So he builds a device, drives to her street and throws a fire bomb....you guessed it...into the home of the guy who lived NEXT DOOR to his ex-girlfriend. Apparently his GPS was not working correctly...or prehaps the fact that those little GPS things are voiced by a woman...the joke was on him. I can see it now..."No Buddy Joe, she lives next door to the house where you went to visit her every week for TWO years while you were dating....no...really.... I'll bet the last thing he heard before the sirens was..."Thank you for using Garmin" in the sweetest female voice possible......


For the rest of the story http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34577355/ns/us_news-weird_news/

Honey, Eat Your Dinner or I'll Call the Cops

Hey I finally discovered a way to get my family to eat my cooking...police enforcement. That's right, a woman in Texas (ok, no one is surprised that it was in Texas) called the police to report that her husband was trying a new form of domestic violence...NOT eating her cooking. As my middle son would say...REALLY? In today's world of actual domestic violence, gang shootings and crime run amuck, do we really need to gum up the system with a call about our spouses eating habits? I have to admit that there have been times when I have been frustrated with my kids and wanted to shove them into a small box and mail them to my mother because they have been reluctant to eat something that I had slaved over for hours. (Did I mention that I am NOT a great cook?) But to call the cops...well...that may be going a bit too far. The woman in question will be charged with 911 abuse..whatever that entails...but maybe instead the officers who showed up to the call should have made her eat her own cooking...that might have stopped her. I know one thing, I have this picture in my mind of her being handcuffed and carted away as her husband stood watching through the screen door pumping his fist in the air shouting.."yes!"
For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34577354/ns/us_news-weird_news/

I Think I’ll Have Fish for Dinner

It’s been a while since I have added to this blog and I apologize for that. It isn’t that people have stopped being stupid, I just got a little lazy. I’m back now and I could not have asked for a better story than the following:

Apparently in Pasadena, Texas a woman decided on her dinner fare out of anger. As the story goes, the woman was arguing with her former spouse about some jewelry that he had given her but then decided to take back. Now all you guys out there take note, NEVER MESS WITH A WOMAN’S JEWLERY. This guy got lucky that she didn’t cut off a part of him and fry it up.

No instead she broke into his new apartment, grabbed a zip lock and took his seven goldfish home for dinner. Not to join her for dinner mind you but to BE dinner. A little garlic, some shallots and little fish tank Nemo and friends fell victim to a woman hungry for jewelry. The story says that by the times the cops got there four of the gold (en brown) fish were still in the frying pan. The woman had apparently already downed three of them. (perhaps with a nice Chianti?)

So guys the next time you think about taking that ring back from your ex remember the gold fish and hide the dog.

Visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33088053/ns/us_news-weird_news/ for the whole story, truly, I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Please read reworked blog

I did my May 18th blog late at night so there a more than a few mistakes. It has been edited now so please read the reworked blog.

Clean up Your Room or I’m Callin the Cops!

(This is the second copy of this blog, my apolgies for the mistakes in the first one, that's what happens when I do them late)


Today’s story is one of those that makes you shake your head and go….wow is the human race in trouble. I am being told that as a person in my middle ages, (I’m sure that you are familiar with that age...it’s the age between ah crap and oh damn?) I should take heed that my future is now in the hands of our young folks. You remember those people don’t you, the kids that you yell at to change their underwear before they can stand up on their own, stop surfing porn on your laptop because you aren’t interested in seeing some large chested woman named Kitty who likes long walks on short piers and stop trying to shoving peas up the cat’s (or your sister’s) nose all while you scream from the living room, “ARE YOU ON DRUGS? Yeah, those kids.
Most days I think, well I’ve done my thing maybe it is time to turn it over to the younger generation but then I read something like today’s story of stupid.

According to the news story a man in Bedford Ohio called 911 because of his son. Now I don’t know about you but if I have to call 911 on my kid it would be because of something like, he had lost his damn little mind and pulled a knife on me. That’s not what Mr. Andrew Mizsak called the cops on his son for; nope it was something far more sinister. Mr. Mizask called 911 on his son because…wait for it….wait for it…. “his 28-year-old son — who's a school board member in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford — threw a plate of food across the kitchen table and made a fist at him when he was told to clean his room.” Yup you heard that right, the son, also named Andrew, lives in a room in his parents' basement and when dear old dad told his namesake to clean up his room, the ADULT son flung his food and shook his fist just like any other three year old child and then to add ridiculous to stupid, the old man called the cops to complain. This begs the question, what did the cops do when they showed up and finally stopped laughing? As it turned out, as if this story could get any more ridiculous, the father declined to press charges and told police he doesn't want to ruin his son's political career so he would just let it go.



All I have to say is… my kids get off easy.



For the whole story, because I couldn’t make this up visit, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30809741/

Hey Mr. Park Ranger – We’ve got a leak over here!

Ok, every now and then one of those stories comes along that make you stop what you’re doing and turn to the person sitting next to you and simply say…oh geez, really?
Obviously the folks running Yellowstone National Park need to set an age limit for those who come to work for them…or many they just need to set a two beer minimum. As the story goes two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers, guys who have access to all the soda a guy can steal from a national park, decided, for whatever reason to skip hitting the port-a-potty and just stop off at the first large hole they could find. The problem wasn’t the fact that they were bleeding the old lizard a’ natural, the problem was that the rather large hole they decided to urinate in happened to be one of the nation’s most treasured blow-holes, you guessed it, Old Faithful. Take a walk with me for just a second and see what I see in my mind’s eye…there they are Bill and Bob, having just drunk entirely too much bootleg coke looking for a place to pee. Bill looks at Bob, they look at Old Faithful, giggle a little and hop the fence skipping off to do what will go down in history as the dumbest thing any two guys could do next to urinating on the big foot at Lincoln’s Monument…pee into Old Faithful. (Let’s hope they timed it right because that could be a real reverse pisser as my grandpa Leonard would have said) And how do these two geniuses get caught? Well on live webcam of course! Some dude with obviously very little to do with his own time caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser on Yellowstone’s live webcam. (Gotta love the term “real time”)
The story goes on to say that one of the men, a 23-year-old, was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. I am sure that NONE of us wants to know what he took from the area. But this story does beg the asking of one simple question….do you think that’s why they call it Yellowstone?
For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30765586/?GT1=43001