Thursday, May 14, 2009

Hey buddy is this your head?


We spend our days wondering where AIDS came from, what (or who for those of you conspiracy theorist out there) developed the Swine Flu and how on earth did the Ebola virus come into being? These are all things that suddenly cropped up and gave a lot of people the fight of their lives. How does something SUDDENLY come into being?

Conspiracy theorist would have you believe that there is some mad laughter coming from a secret lab somewhere where there is a guy (or girl, equal rights for the mad scientist you see) developing horrible vials of stuff to unleash on the unsuspecting public. While the regular people are going about their days eating their Wheaties, mowing the lawn and playing baseball on their Wii’s (no one actually goes OUTSIDE anymore) there are actually people out there who are out to get us. They want to see us suffer and why? Is it because they can? Is it because they believe that all of humanity is blight on the planet? Is it because they have watched too many other mad scientists on TV and just can’t help but try and get their names on the “List of Baddest Guys of all Time”? Nope, it’s because there is an enormous backlog of stupid in the science and government communities. That’s right, no baddies, no world to be destroyed scenarios, just plain good old fashion human stupid.

Need Proof? Well alrighty then….
“Researchers in Texas are trying an unusual approach to combat fire ants -- deploying parasitic flies that turn the pesky and economically costly insects into zombies whose heads fall off. “ Here, let me repeat that….
“Researchers in Texas are trying an unusual approach to combat fire ants -- deploying parasitic flies that turn the pesky and economically costly insects into zombies whose heads fall off. “
Yes you read that correctly and yes there are actually researchers in Texas who are spending their days trying to create the ant version of Shawn of the Dead. (That’s a great movie if you haven’t seen it by the way) These guys, who probably graduated top in their beaker classes, are attempting to fight fire with…well…zombies. According to the news story (yes this made the news, someone actually ADMITTED that this was taking place and then called it news) the flies lay eggs on the fire ants, and the eggs hatch into maggots inside the ant and eat away at the pest's tiny brain. The ant will hang around for about two weeks while the maggot feeds and then when there is no brain left in the ant, he/she just starts wandering aimlessly. (Ok, I have to admit I found that hilarious…) About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off -- and a new fly emerges ready to attack another fire ant. (Ok the phrase you’re looking for is OH…MY…LORD)

After reading this I had to sit in stunned silence. (ok I had to catch my breath from laughing so hard) Really?! Seriously?! This is a bad B rate horror movie waiting for a director isn’t it? So…with much renewed respect to my paranoid, conspiracy brethren, I have to say, hey guys you might be right, maybe the government really IS trying to make us all zombies…hell…look at what they’re doing to the ants!

Your tax dollars at work folks!

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