What? Dinner's NOT ready?!

Ok, today's piece comes from West Virginia so you know it'll be interesting....(face it West Virginians, you 'all breed em a little on the high tempered side)

Guy Jones, a resident of Sissonville, WV went out drinking with his buddies last Friday night. Now this wasn't a new thing for Guy, hell, he did it all the time but on this particular night something in the man snapped. Guy came home to his wife, Beverley, rip roaring drunk. According to police Guy walked into the house and saw that dinner was not on the table and went nuts. He busted the furniture, he broke the dishes, he destroyed the glass knick knacks...Guy had lost his mind. Beverly says she pleaded with him to stop but he just kept smashing things and screaming "where is my dinner".

Finally, out of breath, Guy stopped and looked at Beverly and asked one more time, "where is my dinner woman?!" (Yes he actually used that phrase) Beverly, irritated by all the damage Guy had done, told him he'd have to cook it himself. Guy then did the one thing that truly shoves this story over the stupid cliff....he told his wife to get out and he burned his own house down. I'll bet dinner is going to be a bit later now...... Guy's wife says they will now be headed to divorce court, "as fast as their legs can carry them there". Guy...you should have ordered take-out.

Drinking with buddies till you fall down....$150

Divorce from wife...............................$200

The look on Guy's face when he gets his first meal in prison...priceless!

A Whole New Meaning to the Word, "Laptop"

We live in a world that has stopped paying attention. Entertainment, laptops, video games, internet, television, cell phones...it's all about how much entertainment we can pack into a day. No one looks each other in the eyes anymore and where you used to have to watch were you were going on the sidewalk because it was rude to bump someone, you now have to watch because you run the risk of getting run over by a texter. (You know the guy hunched slightly forward eyes glued to a 3 x 2 inch screen, thumbs flying and actually not spelling but inventing a new language as they go...)This year we had to develop an actual law in order to make sure that people do not text while driving...are you kidding me?

There are a number of things that one should not do while driving....put on makeup, look for loose change between the seats, change your clothes and reading are just a few of those things. (Although people still try.)So for your consideration today's story shows just how ridiculous (and dangerous) entertainment while driving has gotten.

In Batatvia New York an Ohio truck driver was sentenced to second degree manslaughter after killing a woman on the side of the road. Thomas Wallace, a truck driver (yes a guy who drives one of those massive trucks that we all hate to drive next to on the highway) reportedly crashed into the woman who had pulled over because she had hit a deer. Wallace hit the woman's car from behind killing her instantly.

So what was Wallace doing that made him take his eyes off the road? Texting? No. Changing clothes? No. Talking on his cell phone? No. Wallace was watching porn on his laptop...WHILE DRIVING on the interstate in a VERY large truck AT NIGHT! According to the reports Wallace had the laptop sitting...you guessed it...in his lap. Needless to say Wallace was sentenced to prison for his stupidity. Let's hope that some REALLY big guy named Big Bubba finds Wallace an entertaining as Wallace found his laptop.

Damn it...but I look Good In That!

Well they have gone and done it...Nevada has started banning people at the voting polls! What's this world coming to if I can't make a decision on which politician I like, drive to the polls and vote...in MY CHICKEN COSTUME! Damn it!

Yes that's right tax payers, your hard earned money in Nevada is now paying so that chicken costumes can be banned from the voting polls. Apparently one of the Republican candidates got her feelings hurt when folks started making fun of her dressed like chickens. The Republican is a millionaire casino exec and a former beauty queen (and a chicken costume was the best ribbing they could do?) who suggested that people "barter" for medical care. (Is that the theme to Dr. Quinn - Medicine Woman I hear in the background?) She even went so far as to suggest that a person could trade a chicken for medical care. (Honestly, I couldn't have made this up) So the democrats, being the adults that they are, set up a website called "Chickens for Checkups". (Remember who pays them for doing all of this folks...social security will end when?)

So now, since the poor whittle candidate got her feelings hurt...I have to put my chicken suit away. Damn it!

But seriously...isn't anyone in Nevada looking at this and saying to themselves WTI? (Whose the Idiot) Your tax dollars just outlawed chicken suits! Chicken suits! What about handguns? What about crime? What about those annoying people who hand out the flyers in front of the casinos? Can't we find ANYTHING else to ban? What's the world coming to?

For the whole story (proving that I really can't make this stuff up) visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37296098/ns/politics/

Can I have a cosmo with my handcuffs?

Hello everyone and welcome back to The Art of Ridiculous. It's been a while since I have submitted any cases for your consideration but I'm back and can't wait to see what the human race has for us next. Today's story is kind of fun in that stupid way that only human beings can accomplish. Sometimes having opposable thumbs doesn't scream top of the food chain does it?

Today's story comes to us from Irvine California where a 25 year old man gave a whole new meaning to the words "drive thru". According to the story, Matthew Van McDaniel of Los Alamitos went out with friends had a roaring good time and then with a blood alcohol level of .14 drove himself to jail...or rather into jail...

Mr. McDaniel literally drove his Mercedes through the gates of the James Musick Correctional Facility and then, just to make sure that they would let him stay, he punched the sheriff's deputy in the nose. Needless to say, the correctional system invited Mr. McDaniel to move in...for nine years. My question is did the judge sentence him for driving into the jail, punching the officer or making him laugh so hard that he tinkled in his robes....

For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37296381/ns/us_news/

Whatever Happened to Old Fashioned Hair Pulling?

I don't know about you but when I was a kid I fought with my siblings all the time. My brother and I are 13 months apart...my mother might as well had twins. For Keith and I fighting was not a way of being mean to each other but a basic sibling right. There is an unwritten rule when you are kids, if he bugs you put worms in his mash potatoes...we were kids..it's what kids do. I have to say however, as much as Keith and I picked on each other it just never occurred to me to...well...bite of a piece of his nose.
Last week in Jonesville Michigan a woman allegedly did just that. Her sister and her were arguing and when the argument didn't go her way the 27 year old woman bit a piece of her 28 year old sister's nose off. Hey all you parents out there what do you get grounded from if you bite a siblings body part off? There goes the X-box for ..well...ever!
The 28 year old will have plastic surgery to repair her nose and the 27 year old was charged. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when that cop answered the call. Keeping a straight face after the initial, 'you did what?!' would have been difficult at best. But as tragically funny as this all is there is one more little factoid that popped out at me in the story that just ensures that I will probably not be spending a lot of time in Jonesville. It seems the nose biting sister was charged with, "mayhem and domestic violence", and in Jonesville "mayhem" is defined as, (I couldn't make this crap up) "in part under a 1931 Michigan law as mutilating another person's nose" and it carries a 10-year felony. So the question is...does Michigan have a big issue with nose-biting residents? Apparently this was an issue that needed a law on the books in 1931...so...calling all plastic surgeons...you are needed in Michigan.

But wait I thought you lived THERE....

Have you even noticed that most really good stupid stories begin with, "So there I was...." Imagine if you will being really mad at your ex-grilfriend and planning to get back at her only to screw it up.It would appear that a guy in Georgia did just that, probebly right after a beer run to the local Piggly Wiggly. As the story tells it he was upset with his ex-girlfriend (guess we don't have to wonder why she isn't with him anymore)and decided in that tiny little brain of his that he would pull do something spectacular to get back at her. So he builds a device, drives to her street and throws a fire bomb....you guessed it...into the home of the guy who lived NEXT DOOR to his ex-girlfriend. Apparently his GPS was not working correctly...or prehaps the fact that those little GPS things are voiced by a woman...the joke was on him. I can see it now..."No Buddy Joe, she lives next door to the house where you went to visit her every week for TWO years while you were dating....no...really.... I'll bet the last thing he heard before the sirens was..."Thank you for using Garmin" in the sweetest female voice possible......


For the rest of the story http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34577355/ns/us_news-weird_news/

Honey, Eat Your Dinner or I'll Call the Cops

Hey I finally discovered a way to get my family to eat my cooking...police enforcement. That's right, a woman in Texas (ok, no one is surprised that it was in Texas) called the police to report that her husband was trying a new form of domestic violence...NOT eating her cooking. As my middle son would say...REALLY? In today's world of actual domestic violence, gang shootings and crime run amuck, do we really need to gum up the system with a call about our spouses eating habits? I have to admit that there have been times when I have been frustrated with my kids and wanted to shove them into a small box and mail them to my mother because they have been reluctant to eat something that I had slaved over for hours. (Did I mention that I am NOT a great cook?) But to call the cops...well...that may be going a bit too far. The woman in question will be charged with 911 abuse..whatever that entails...but maybe instead the officers who showed up to the call should have made her eat her own cooking...that might have stopped her. I know one thing, I have this picture in my mind of her being handcuffed and carted away as her husband stood watching through the screen door pumping his fist in the air shouting.."yes!"
For the whole story visit http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34577354/ns/us_news-weird_news/